Strong

I told you the other day that I chose the word "Strong" to live by.  I had reached an all time high for my weight.  When this happens, I'm so embarrassed all I want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out.  I don't want anyone to see me, but that isn't what a strong person does.  I usually tried to hide the fact I was even trying to lose weight and the less attention I could draw to myself would be the best.  I started by writing a letter to my body.  This seemed really silly but I had seen other people do this and saw amazing things come up exposing why they were having a hard time overcoming things.  I started out by writing "Dear Body", then write out what you want to say.  I told my body I was so frustrated.  I asked it Why it went up and down all the time in weight.  Why did it plant itself in one spot and not want to go down anymore?  Why was it impossible to loose the weight and get where I wanted it to be?
Then after to finish my letter (I was sure that you do this in a quiet time when I wouldn't be disturbed) I wrote "Dear Nicole"  If you want to try this too, just Be still and listen to the words that come and  write them down.  I did this.  I was shocked by what my body said.  It told me that because of things that happened to me when I was young it wanted to be invisible.  That way it felt safe.  When I was at that weight it made me invisible to other people.  I couldn't believe it.  I knew that my weight was emotional.  Something that had nothing to do with dieting and excercize.  It had everything to do with what was inside that I was too afraid to face.  
I started to listen to books on audible.  My first book was "The Power of Vunerablity" by Brene Brown.  It changed my life!  I would go out walking and listen to this book.  I started to understand myself.  I then was able to start loving myself and seeing myself as a wonderful person.  This was so hard for me.  I had never really loved myself before. 
I then began to talk to myself.  I know that sounds so silly, but I told myself it was ok to lose the weight.  That I was safe and that I loved my body.  I felt like these things were lies at first.  I guess I had never thought great thoughts about my body before.  I would never say to anyone else that they were ugly or fat or stupid, So why did I tell myself that?  It was important to start telling my body positive things.  I did this every morning when I got out of the shower.  I would rub lotion on myself like I always did, but instead I would say out loud all the things I wanted to hear,  that I was beautiful, amazing, and important.  I would say that I could do hard things and I was strong.  
There were other things I did to loose this weight.  I went to a doctors office called Medi.  There I was weighed, had my blood pressure taken, I was given a menu to follow and I talked to a therapist about what emotional issues were going on in my life.  I was accountable to someone every week.  I had tried these things so many times before and they didn't work.  The diet that was given to me was strict and usually I would stop after the second week, but for the first time I started to believe in myself.  I knew that I was worth this.  That it didn't matter what anyone else thought of me.  It only mattered what I thought and I wanted to think great things.  
The weight started to come off fast and easy.  It was like I wasn't even trying.  I felt great!  I continued to go on my walks and listen to books that motivated and helped me to love myself.  I lost 47lbs!!  I still have a little more to lose, and I will lose it!  I know that I'm worth it.  I hope that by reading this that you might do something yourself, if you are also struggling.  I know that if I can do this, anyone can!!

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